Baby Steps Out of the Comfort Zone

“One common cause of this mistake of preferring to imagine and admire a great ideal instead of beginning to do little deeds is our impatience with little baby steps, our lack of humility.”

-Peter Kreeft, Author/ Boston College & The King's College Professor of Philosophy

Just the other day, I caught wind of something interesting that happened to one of my peers. I was hunched over a table, struggling to shove a laptop, textbooks, a few comic books, and a half-eaten bag of candy into the tiny shoulder bag I'd made the mistake of using. She stood next to me, smiling at my hopeless endeavor as she recounted her story.

"I asked if I could room with a girl I'm friends with during the research conference," she explained. "But I let them know it wasn't a big deal if I couldn't."

Trying not to growl at my current task, I responded, "Did they let you?"

She gave an exasperated chuckle. "No...actually, they said something along the lines of, 'Now we're definitely not putting you two together. You need to meet new people!'"

The thought made me freeze in my tracks. "I guess I get it...." I said, but the words were only half-true.

I could understand the reasoning behind their decision. The trip was meant to be a learning experience--a fantastic opportunity for brand new researchers to branch out and try new things in the realm of academia.

Get out of your comfort zone. Make new connections. These are sentiments we've all heard a thousand times.

However, let's consider this: Are these platitudes all-encompassing or should we implement them on a case-by-case basis?

Let's examine this idea through another example. One of the first mystery dinners I developed was designed to bring an extracurricular writing class closer together. They were a diverse group--extroverts, introverts, athletes, and scholars. I assessed my players by using a simple psychometric shape quiz. This is an efficient way to understand the most basic structures of their personality.

To illustrate how this measurement tool works, I'll use myself as an example. I am a circle-triangle person. The circle facet of my psyche tends to be empathetic and people-oriented while the triangle side is focused and driven--to put it in cringey-shape-pun terms, the latter shape of my personality wants everyone to "get to the point." If you are interested in trying out this personality assessment, select your top two favorite shapes from the choices provided (triangle, circle, square, squiggle) and check out your results at this website: http://listening2leaders.com/shape-quiz-learn-colleagues/

After quizzing my players, I had a good idea of their personalities. I knew which character roles would suit them best and wrote their roles accordingly. However, I found myself questioning my decisions based on the commentary of others:

"Put the quiet people in outspoken roles. Don't let the extroverts talk! Make them play a character that is opposite to their personality."

In other words, "Get out of the comfort zone!" In many cases, this advice rings true. It helps us to break out of mundane--even harmful--habits and grow as individuals. But in this case, the thought that raced through my mind over and over again was this: These people have already stepped out of their comfort zones. They have taken that first step to sign up for a role-playing game--something that appears incredibly daunting to newcomers. Is it right to further exacerbate their apprehension just for the sake of adhering to an exalted motivational quote?

"No," I decided. "It is not." Consequently, I did the opposite of what I was advised--I assigned characters that each and every individual in the party could relate to and easily portray. As the event progressed, I was thrilled to see my brand new players delve enthusiastically into their roles because they felt that they already knew the characters. This familiarity was a comforting lifeline in an otherwise foreign sea of complex role-playing rules.

Did they get out of their comfort zones? Absolutely. A few months beforehand, the kids had never heard, let alone understood, the term "Murder Mystery Dinner." However, this personal growth was implemented at a level that was manageable.

Here we see the point of our discussion: Stepping out of the comfort zone does not have to be overwhelming to be valuable. Some situations are so entirely new and intimidating--consider the aforementioned research conference and mystery dinner--that the act of giving them a try is, in itself, a daring move. To make such situations as difficult as possible is a potential detriment to future motivation. It has the potential to drive individuals back into the comfort zone, making them wish they had never left in the first place.

Whether you are a gamer or not, think about this in your daily life. Perhaps you fear attempting certain things because you are approaching them from an overwhelming angle.

• Want to join a Dungeons and Dragons campaign? Don't pick the most difficult class, race, or personality. Make a character that uses simple mechanics and mirrors your own demeanor.

• Thinking about trying a new video game system? Don't set every game you try to "Master Difficulty." Get a feel for the game and increase the difficulty in increments.

• Interested in taking a unique elective course? Don't choose something that encompasses your weaknesses (for me, that weakness is math). Find something interesting that will allow you to build upon your existing skill set.

The examples are endless as this idea applies to countless facets of everyday life. Before you give up on something, figure out how to break your action plan down into feasible chunks. If you have the responsibility of implementing something new, make sure that you do not inundate participants with a distressing amount of novelty.